Published 1:30 am Tuesday, October 13, 2026
Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Dear Carolyn:
A spouse has set up speakers throughout our house and even in the yard. Music plays nonstop, often loud enough that normal conversation is impossible. I have some hearing loss in one ear, which means the children and I must raise our voices constantly to be heard over the sound. When I am outside, I would prefer to hear nature rather than amplified music.
Whenever I ask him to lower the volume, he complies for a moment before turning it back up. He has tried using headphones, but he said it made him feel disconnected from the family.
How can we find a peaceful arrangement?
Not Music to My Ears
Establishing a schedule of alternating periods is a viable path to harmony. You could secure a specific block of quiet in the morning, followed by a set duration of music, followed by another period of silence. You must also agree on a volume level that does not require shouting.
If he is unwilling to agree on daily limits for music playback, a maximum volume for the household, and a veto right for any family member dealing with a headache or homework, the issue is not the audio equipment. It would indicate a lack of concern for your comfort. Refusing to compromise for others, or treating hearing loss as a nuisance, falls into this category.
His tendency to raise the volume after lowering it suggests this underlying attitude. However, presenting a clear framework for an agreement may encourage him to cooperate. Unaddressed resentment between partners is a severe challenge for any relationship.
Dear Carolyn:
My brother is argumentative and holds strong opinions, particularly regarding alcoholism, which he does not believe exists. My wife's father struggled with alcohol, which caused conflict when we first married.
About a year ago, my father-in-law received a liver cirrhosis diagnosis. My brother subsequently remarked that the condition can occur without drinking and is not his fault. My wife replied that the illness resulted from his addiction.
She has distanced herself from my brother, an approach I support. Following my father-in-law's passing last weekend, my wife does not want my brother at the funeral. While I agree with her decision, I need to inform my brother without permanently destroying their relationship.
Hot-Button
A person who prioritizes winning debates over acknowledging reality will inevitably struggle to maintain connections with others. Please convey to your brother that, considering your wife is understandably mourning and given their recent history, it would be best if he did not attend the funeral.